Monday, August 25, 2008


So I'm clearly not very good at blogging. I just don't have the time anymore. I think I could have more free time if I chose to, however keeping myself so busy is the easiest way for me to pass time.

This has been a pretty shitty couple of weeks for our family. I've been a bundle of worries, which I'm sure Connor can feel. I do my best to hide it from him and I never cry in front of him. I want to shelter him as best as I can. It's bad enough that he has to be without his Daddy for so long, I just don't want him to have to go through this.

On Thursday Bubba's humvee hit an IED. He's okay and so is everyone else. I don't have the emotional energy to tell the whole story now, but I'm sure I'll come back when I'm able to. This just sucks though.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Now true worrying begins...

So Bubba's been away for almost 4 months now. The first 3 months he was just training at various places here in the states. I missed him with all of my heart, but I was okay being away from him because I knew he was safe. Nearly a month ago, which surprisingly has gone by pretty fast, he flew into country. The Army, nothing new here, pretty much wasn't ready for him when he got there, so he was just putzing around in different areas, all of which were on bases though. I worried like I had never worried before. However, part of me knew though that he was relatively safe being on a base. Safer, I should say.

Bubba just called though. What an amazing thing it is to hear his voice once again. He finally was sent to the unit he'll be joining and working with. I just don't think I was ready for this level of worry. I am truly terrified. At times, paralyzed with fear. At this point in the war, Bubba honestly has one of the most dangerous jobs there is, in the most dangerous part of the country. I don't intend on anyone reading my blogs, they're really just for me to vent, but to adhere to OPSEC, I can't really give any details on his mission. He is incredible though, his job is vital, and what he's doing will be written about in history books. I am so proud of him and I know Connor will be too. I just hate the impending danger that he will be in though. It is really killing me on the inside.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Just another day...

Nothing new much today. I haven't heard from Bubba which always makes me nervous. I know he's probably just in an area that he can't have email access, it's still disheartening though. I always love to hear from him and know that he's doing well. I can tell the pride in his words when he's responding to pictures of Connor that I sent, or just how much he loves me in the words that he writes. More importantly though, getting emails from him lets me know that he's okay. I know that he's safe for now and that I at least made him smile once more. I guess it's just one more day down...

Connor and I went over to a new friend's house today to go swimming. We had a lot of fun. Her son is few months younger, but he's crawling all around, so he and Connor seem to have fun together. It's really cute. I like her a lot too. She's really sweet.

We went shopping a little tonight too. Kohl's was having a big sale so I went for some new running shoes (like my lazy ass runs), but ended up with much more too. It was all good deals though, so I don't feel too bad. I really have no clothes since I've been so all over the place with my weight from pregnancy. I got some cute heels too since I don't have any casual heels anymore since the dog ate them 2 years ago. I would have gotten some new ones last summer but I was huge and pregnant, then just huge with a new baby, so no real need for cute shoes. So I got a pair now. One I'm sure is enough since I'm never going to get to go out anymore. I don't really want to anyway, so I don't mind. I just don't have fun without Bubba. He really is my best friend. He just makes everything better, always. No matter what it is, it's just better with him there.

It's almost midnight and I should be going to bed, but I just can't seem to pull myself off of the computer for the small chance that I may hear from Bubba. I don't want to wait until morning if he's going to write sometime soon. I'm pathetic really, I just miss him so much. Now I'm crying. I hate this shit, I really do. I just want him home. I just want to hold him in my arms and know that I can protect him and keep him safe.

Now see, this is why I don't go to bed. An email from him just popped up. I really do love to hear from him. I pretty much live to hear from him now. He's safe for now.

Time to begin waiting for another.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

A little too close to home...

So today it's been reported that an Army soldier from Rockville has died in Afghanistan. Lieutenant Colonel James J. Walton. Whenever I hear of a service member dying it just rips my heart out. This one however, is just too close to home. LTC Walton was a West Point graduate, assigned to a MiTT team in Afghanistan, and from Rockville, MD. All of these are just like Bubba. I worry so much about Bubba every single day, I just can't take it. I don't know how people go through this. It just absolutely terrifies me that he is going to be harmed. I just don't think I could deal with it if something happens to him. I tell him that I'll be okay so that he doesn't worry about me. I just don't think I will be though. I know that I can raise Connor by myself and raise him well...he will know how amazing his father is. What just kills me though is the thought that Bubba won't be able to see that. I just can't handle knowing that Bubba won't be able to see his son grow up or that he'll miss so many things that he absolutely lives for. Bubba, I truly believe, is the proudest father on the face of this earth. He was born to have children. I just don't know what I will do if the opportunity for him to see his dreams coming true isn't possible. Does everyone worry this much? I don't know. Bubba is probably the smartest person I know. Some things you just can't forsee though...a roadside bomb, and IED. You can't see these things. You can't outsmart them. I just fucking hate sitting here knowing that the fate of his life, my life, and Connor's life is up in the air. There's nothing any one of us can do about it. It's not fucking fair. I hate this so much. Why are there people like this that will kill our husbands and sons and daughters? These people are daddies and mommies. How could someone take away the most important person in the life of a child. Why? This is so not fucking fair. I just want to scream. I can't handle this. Why does this happen?