Thursday, June 26, 2008

Just another day...

Nothing new much today. I haven't heard from Bubba which always makes me nervous. I know he's probably just in an area that he can't have email access, it's still disheartening though. I always love to hear from him and know that he's doing well. I can tell the pride in his words when he's responding to pictures of Connor that I sent, or just how much he loves me in the words that he writes. More importantly though, getting emails from him lets me know that he's okay. I know that he's safe for now and that I at least made him smile once more. I guess it's just one more day down...

Connor and I went over to a new friend's house today to go swimming. We had a lot of fun. Her son is few months younger, but he's crawling all around, so he and Connor seem to have fun together. It's really cute. I like her a lot too. She's really sweet.

We went shopping a little tonight too. Kohl's was having a big sale so I went for some new running shoes (like my lazy ass runs), but ended up with much more too. It was all good deals though, so I don't feel too bad. I really have no clothes since I've been so all over the place with my weight from pregnancy. I got some cute heels too since I don't have any casual heels anymore since the dog ate them 2 years ago. I would have gotten some new ones last summer but I was huge and pregnant, then just huge with a new baby, so no real need for cute shoes. So I got a pair now. One I'm sure is enough since I'm never going to get to go out anymore. I don't really want to anyway, so I don't mind. I just don't have fun without Bubba. He really is my best friend. He just makes everything better, always. No matter what it is, it's just better with him there.

It's almost midnight and I should be going to bed, but I just can't seem to pull myself off of the computer for the small chance that I may hear from Bubba. I don't want to wait until morning if he's going to write sometime soon. I'm pathetic really, I just miss him so much. Now I'm crying. I hate this shit, I really do. I just want him home. I just want to hold him in my arms and know that I can protect him and keep him safe.

Now see, this is why I don't go to bed. An email from him just popped up. I really do love to hear from him. I pretty much live to hear from him now. He's safe for now.

Time to begin waiting for another.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

A little too close to home...

So today it's been reported that an Army soldier from Rockville has died in Afghanistan. Lieutenant Colonel James J. Walton. Whenever I hear of a service member dying it just rips my heart out. This one however, is just too close to home. LTC Walton was a West Point graduate, assigned to a MiTT team in Afghanistan, and from Rockville, MD. All of these are just like Bubba. I worry so much about Bubba every single day, I just can't take it. I don't know how people go through this. It just absolutely terrifies me that he is going to be harmed. I just don't think I could deal with it if something happens to him. I tell him that I'll be okay so that he doesn't worry about me. I just don't think I will be though. I know that I can raise Connor by myself and raise him well...he will know how amazing his father is. What just kills me though is the thought that Bubba won't be able to see that. I just can't handle knowing that Bubba won't be able to see his son grow up or that he'll miss so many things that he absolutely lives for. Bubba, I truly believe, is the proudest father on the face of this earth. He was born to have children. I just don't know what I will do if the opportunity for him to see his dreams coming true isn't possible. Does everyone worry this much? I don't know. Bubba is probably the smartest person I know. Some things you just can't forsee though...a roadside bomb, and IED. You can't see these things. You can't outsmart them. I just fucking hate sitting here knowing that the fate of his life, my life, and Connor's life is up in the air. There's nothing any one of us can do about it. It's not fucking fair. I hate this so much. Why are there people like this that will kill our husbands and sons and daughters? These people are daddies and mommies. How could someone take away the most important person in the life of a child. Why? This is so not fucking fair. I just want to scream. I can't handle this. Why does this happen?